Let us sing now of human failure,
of the men who strapped wings
to their backs and thought they could fly,
of the women burned at the stake.
Let us sing of the crumpled rough drafts –
the religious tomes, the law books,
the epic poems and the sonnets.
Let us sing of trying to jump too high,
to reach too far, to woo where
wooing’s unwarranted.
Let us sing in praise of the round pegs
in square holes, of all mismatched shapes
and misbegotten sizes. Let us praise
those who have failed geometry as
gladly as those who invented it.
Let us sing now of those who tempt
the impossible, who let us take
from their mistakes, who,
by failing to fly, teach us to fly.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
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3 comments:
i love the idea of this one - on the road to perfection let's give thanks for the imperfect. wonderful.
and again nice phonic alternation, the short "a"s and long "y"s, the "s"s and "z"s.
a question : do you read your poems out loud after you write them? so much of this really sounds like an epic ballad. :)
do you want feedback suggestions? here's what i would do with the first stanza :
"Let us sing now of failure,
of men who strapped wings
to their backs
of women burned at the stake.*
Let us sing of crumpled rough drafts -
religious tomes, law books,
epic poems, sonnets."
i think you can cut some of the spelling-it-out detail (ie "thought they could fly") and create a very (more?) evocative picture for the reader, which gives the shading of a picture while still letting the picture take on its own nuance.
*is "burned" the right word in this line? also, whose failure is this? the first image works better for me. perhaps more on icarus/daedalus here instead?
in the last stanza, last line, i'd keep it to one iteration of "to fly" ; to wit, "who,/ failing, teach us to fly."
thanks for a great read this morning. :)
sorry, this is only slightly relevant: http://www.curriculumunits.com/crucible/background/1692-Carrier.html
oh my! feedback? do you know how long it's been since i've gotten constructive feedback on my poetry? actually, you probably do, 'coz you were probably the last one to do it.
i struggled with line breaks on this one, particularly in the opening stanza. i'll keep playing.
as for the poor women, that's a human failure. not all failures, i guess, are in the service of something greater. you're right, though, that it doesn't necessarily fit the theme as well as it fits the rhythm.
i love the edit to the last line.
thanks!
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