Starting from Scratch

I'm staring all over with the book list. Here are the recomendations from 2004:

Love in the Driest Season

Don't Move

The Midwife's Tale

Evidence of Things Unseen

Madras on Rainy Days

Holes

The Marriage Bed

Happy Baby

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Middlesex

Waterborne

Motherless Brooklyn

The Namesake

Fahrenheit 451

Walking into the Night

Fugitive Pieces

American Woman

The Center of Everything

Future Career: Sales Rep

Price of Buttons for Mommy: $.05
Price of Buttons for Daddy: $.10

Price of Marbles for Mommy: $.50
Price of Marbles for Daddy: $.60

Price of Bugs for Mommy: $2.00
Price of Bugs for Daddy: $3.00

Price of Eggs for Mommy: $1.00
Price of Eggs for Daddy: $8.00!!! (I bargained my way down to $3.00)

If it seems like I'm wincing the next time you see me, it's because I'm constantly being gouged around here!

My Government Loves Me!

Proof #1: Ed got an email Birthday Greeting from Oregon TSPC (Teacher Standards and Practices commission).

Edward Kline - Birthday Greetings!

We are taking this opportunity to send you a reminder of the
correspondence that was mailed to you with your current license.

Proof #2: This year I decided I would jump through the many hoops at the Social Security Administration so that I could file the preschool's W-2 forms for our one employee online instead of spending an hour tracking down a typewriter (do they still make those?), and trying to type the whole half page document without making a single mistake (where's the delete key?). Having registered with the SSA as an employer, I am now singed up for their thrilling e-newsletter, W-2 News:

W-2 News
For Employers and Businesses Who Submit W-2s to Social Security

December 2004
Issue: 2004-01

Welcome to W-2 News, the electronic newsletter for you - employers who
submit W-2s to Social Security! We know your time's valuable, so we'll only
send you this newsletter when there's important wage reporting information.
We'll be sure to let you know when there are changes in the W-2 reporting
requirements or in paper e-filing requirements.

I can't wait for my next update on important wage reporting information!

Only in Our Neighborhood

Another installment in the highly irregular updates of the unusual sights in SE Portland:

Our neighborhood has more than its share of Buddha statues in a variety of sizes. Today, as I was headed towards the library, I saw a peaceful Buddha resting in someone's yard, decked out in about half a dozen strings of shiny beads in a rainbow of colors.

Apparently, the Buddha is all set for Mardi Gras.

Yet Another Stinking Holiday Tradition

Can someone please explain to me why the heck my kid gets a cold EVERY flippin' Christmas?

Just wondering.

Another Holiday Tradition (?!?)

Alternate title #1: Finally, A Tradition My Old Man Can Support
Alternate title #2: And You Thought This Was a Family Website?
Alternate title #3: Holiday Hints For the Hopelessly Single

So, a friend has a brother (or maybe it's a brother-in-law) who started a new holiday tradition this year: he bought some clear glass Christmas ornaments, filled them with photos of an adult, non-Christmas, definitely put-you-on-the-naughty-list nature, and hung them on the tree.

And why would we bother blogging this?

Because he calls them "pornaments," and that's going to have me laughing well into 2005.

Advent-ageous

I always knew that such a thing as an "Advent Calendar" existed, but I never quite knew what one was. From snippets of conversation and observation, I knew they usually involve candy (not a bad start) and many of them involved felt and velcro. I didn't understand the purpose of an advent calendar until this year.

Apparently, if you're a young child and you're not Jewish, December can be a verrrrrrry long month. So, to let off a little steam before your pint-sized pressure valves erupt, some folks keep advent calendars to help count down the days until Christmas. Christie explained this to me as she was hanging 24 small envelopes (hand decorated by the girls) onto our tree. Did I mention these were 24 empty envelopes?

At about 5:30 on December 1st, right in the middle of throwing dinner together, an hour or so before we were supposed to open our first envelope, Christie says, "Write something on a card and stick it in the first envelope." Say what? Write what? What are you talking about and when am I going to get my candy?

So, with very little guidance and a great deal of pressure, I wrote "Cuddle with Mommy and Daddy by the tree and talk about your favorite ornament." And thus was a tradition born.

All month long we've been using advent cards to do things as a family. We've read stories and told stories and jumped on bubble wrap and painted toenails. We've shared treats and sung songs (in three keys, no less, and sometimes more!). Basically, we've been using the cards to spend a little time each evening doing family stuff. It's been a nice way to take the focus off of things for the holiday and put it back on the people.

One Down ...

Christie and I have been lighting Hanukah candles together for over a decade now, and she's got the blessing down pretty well. When we first started, I would say a word and she would echo. Then I would say a phrase or so, and Christie would echo. Now she knows the blessing as well as I do. Mostly, we say the blessing in unison, but sometimes she leads or sometimes I lead and, when we're feeling playful, she'll say a phrase and I'll say the next. By the time we hit night six or so, the prayer over the candles sounded like this (apologies for the phonetics):

E & C: ... lehadlach ner shel ...
W: (with tremendous glee and enthusiasm) Hanukah!

No Assembly Required

But you still have to remove the toy from the flipping package! To remove Wrigley's Hanukah gift from the package this evening we used scissors to snip at the 5 plastic strapping things. We tugged at the toy. Still firmly attached to the packaging. With all the tape attached to the outside, we couldn't even figure out how to open the cardboard. We ripped it open to find 10 noncuttable plastic twist ties. Tug.Tug. Still firmly attached. At this point we're turning the toy round and round and upside down looking for where it could still be attached. This is when we discover the sound. We keep whacking the toy against our knees, setting off the 95 decibel sound effects, commands (pull the lever!), and music.

Christie - Here let me try
Ed - careful for the buttons
Toy - indecipherable blaring
Wrigley - puts hands over her ears

We eventually find the 8 of the 12 screws we need to unscrew. They require three different screw drivers. The first 4 are a piece of cake. Numbers 5 and 6 need a skinny screwdriver. 7 and 8 require a long screwdriver. The whole while either Ed or I are saying a variation of, Is this right? Maybe this part is supposed to stay attached. I know you couldn't really play with it then, but maybe they aren't supposed to come apart. Remember every so often Wrigley chimes in with Is it my turn yet? and the toy chimes in with its blaring.

Finally, we are successful! Wrigley gets the toy, and I am left with a mountain of mixed garbage and recyclables. Thankfully, Wrigley loves it. She was completely engrossed the whole time I was cleaning up.

Oh, and we end up with 4 AA batteries!

Future Career: Boardroom Negotiator

Wrigley does something new when she is furious. Unfortunately for her it makes us cover our mouths and try really hard not to bust up laughing as we snicker away.

If I don't get some of that cereal, I am going to take all my clothes off.

And then she does. She rips them off with great grunts and angry noises. Sometimes she steps on them too. Then she's just cold, naked, mad, and her parents are laughing.