1. The Umpires’ Room is stocked to the rafters with all the necessaries: lockers, showers, sun tan lotion, hair mousse, foot fungus spray and …
2. … the second bathroom stall has a crate (yes, a crate) full of Playboy magazines (hey ump! Don’t you know that’ll make you go blind!). And, coincidentally …
3. … the door to the Umpires’ Room is labeled, of course, in Braille.
Monday, August 23, 2004
Take Me Out to the Wedding
(As told by Dave Niehaus and Rick Rizzs)
It’s a beautiful day out for marriage, ladies and gentlemen. The temperature outside is in the high 70s and the roof here at Safeco Field in Seattle is wide open. We’re here to see an exciting match between Susan Carrell of Portland, Oregon and Dan Albertson of somewhere up in Washington and, Rick, you couldn’t ask for a better day.
That’s right, Dave, you sure couldn’t. This is the nicest setting for a wedding that I’ve seen since the Backyard BBQ of Ed and Christie Kline, way back in 1994. That was a wedding to remember.
Especially the brisket, Rick. Especially the brisket. Well, on to today’s wedding.
Here comes the groom and the groomsmen! They’re working their way across the field, headed for the home dugout. They’re followed in short order by the family members.
Take a look at that! Here comes the groom’s mom. She’s not three steps onto the field and she’s already crying.
This must be a very emotional moment for her, Dave.
I think everybody’s a little choked up today. As the family comes in, you can see the groom over there, waiting at the top step of the home dugout.
He looks ready there, Dave. Full of poise, confidence. He looks like he belongs where all the Mariner greats have waited to take an at-bat.
Let’s hope he gets up there and knocks one out of the park!
And at long last, here comes the bride! She looks great, dressed in the home whites. Talk about poise! She gives her mom a kiss and her dad a big hug. The groom comes down to greet the bride’s family. This is one of the big moments … and there’s a handshake with the father of the bride!
That sure looked like a firm handshake. I think he’s over one of the biggest hurdles and it ought to be smooth sailing from here.
Not so fast, Dave – he’s still got to recite the vows without his voice cracking. Many a man has lost control during the reciting of the vows.
A hush falls over the crowd as the ceremony begins. Dan escorts Susan to home plate, where the groomsmen and bridesmaids await. The bride and groom are addressing the crowd, thanking them and thanking their parents. Wow! Ninety-three years of marriage between the parents! That’s quite a winning streak!
And no voice cracking yet, Dave.
And now they’re set. And the vows! Right down the heart of the plate!
And the kiss!
My, oh, my! The crowd goes wild!
It’s a beautiful day out for marriage, ladies and gentlemen. The temperature outside is in the high 70s and the roof here at Safeco Field in Seattle is wide open. We’re here to see an exciting match between Susan Carrell of Portland, Oregon and Dan Albertson of somewhere up in Washington and, Rick, you couldn’t ask for a better day.
That’s right, Dave, you sure couldn’t. This is the nicest setting for a wedding that I’ve seen since the Backyard BBQ of Ed and Christie Kline, way back in 1994. That was a wedding to remember.
Especially the brisket, Rick. Especially the brisket. Well, on to today’s wedding.
Here comes the groom and the groomsmen! They’re working their way across the field, headed for the home dugout. They’re followed in short order by the family members.
Take a look at that! Here comes the groom’s mom. She’s not three steps onto the field and she’s already crying.
This must be a very emotional moment for her, Dave.
I think everybody’s a little choked up today. As the family comes in, you can see the groom over there, waiting at the top step of the home dugout.
He looks ready there, Dave. Full of poise, confidence. He looks like he belongs where all the Mariner greats have waited to take an at-bat.
Let’s hope he gets up there and knocks one out of the park!
And at long last, here comes the bride! She looks great, dressed in the home whites. Talk about poise! She gives her mom a kiss and her dad a big hug. The groom comes down to greet the bride’s family. This is one of the big moments … and there’s a handshake with the father of the bride!
That sure looked like a firm handshake. I think he’s over one of the biggest hurdles and it ought to be smooth sailing from here.
Not so fast, Dave – he’s still got to recite the vows without his voice cracking. Many a man has lost control during the reciting of the vows.
A hush falls over the crowd as the ceremony begins. Dan escorts Susan to home plate, where the groomsmen and bridesmaids await. The bride and groom are addressing the crowd, thanking them and thanking their parents. Wow! Ninety-three years of marriage between the parents! That’s quite a winning streak!
And no voice cracking yet, Dave.
And now they’re set. And the vows! Right down the heart of the plate!
And the kiss!
My, oh, my! The crowd goes wild!
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Scientist or English Major?
Part 1: A Basic Science Lesson
For as long as I can remember, I've enjoyed lying flat on my back while tossing a ball up and down and up and down and so on. There are plenty of variations on the theme, such as "Trying Not to Hit the Ceiling But Getting Really Close" or "Letting the Ball Get as Close to Your Face as Possible Without Breaking Your Nose." I've even mastered the art of "Juggling While Flat on Your Back."
Lately there's a new variation: "Toss a Ball Up and Down While Your Daughter Lies on Her Back on Your Belly." It's the giggliest variation yet! Today while I was tossing a bean bag with Wrig on my belly, we had the following discussion about gravity:
D: That's interesting. Every time I throw it in the air it comes back down. Why doesn't it just stay in the air?
W: Because it's not a lamp. (subtext: Duh)
D: Do you think if it were a lamp, it would stay in the air.
W: Yeah.
D: (Puzzled, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt) Why do you think lamps would stay in the air?
W: (A pause. This question is harder) Because ... they are sticky!
D: Lamps are sticky?
W: Yes!
D: Can you show me any sticky lamps?
And without hesitation, little Miss Newton points to the light fixtures on the ceiling of our living room, hanging in the air because, unlike beanbags, lamps are sticky!
Part 2: Grammar for Dummies
Back when I was still at DU, I took a road trip to Vegas with a long lost buddy of mine. During the trip he played a really cool song that I have never gotten out of my head. I never knew the artist or the title, but I can't get the chorus out of my head: My gal is red hot/ Your gal ain't doodly squat!
I have taught Wrig many horribly inappropriate songs to sing (Violent Femmes, anyone?), so I figured it was time to work on a new one.
D: Okay, I say "My gal is red hot" and you say, "Your gal ain't doodly squat." Okay?
W: My gal is ...
D: No that's my part. I say "My gal is red hot" and you say ...
W: ...
D: "Your gal ..."
W: "is squat!"
D: Good! "Your gal ain't doodly squat." Try it.
W: "Your gal is ... squat."
D: Doodly squat.
W: Dooooodly squat!
D: Right on. Now do the whole thing: "Your gal ain't doodly squat."
W: "Your gal ain't doodly squat."
D: Okay, here we go: "My gal is red hot ..."
W: "Your gal ... isn't doodly squat."
I think she spends too much time at the library, that's what I think.
For as long as I can remember, I've enjoyed lying flat on my back while tossing a ball up and down and up and down and so on. There are plenty of variations on the theme, such as "Trying Not to Hit the Ceiling But Getting Really Close" or "Letting the Ball Get as Close to Your Face as Possible Without Breaking Your Nose." I've even mastered the art of "Juggling While Flat on Your Back."
Lately there's a new variation: "Toss a Ball Up and Down While Your Daughter Lies on Her Back on Your Belly." It's the giggliest variation yet! Today while I was tossing a bean bag with Wrig on my belly, we had the following discussion about gravity:
D: That's interesting. Every time I throw it in the air it comes back down. Why doesn't it just stay in the air?
W: Because it's not a lamp. (subtext: Duh)
D: Do you think if it were a lamp, it would stay in the air.
W: Yeah.
D: (Puzzled, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt) Why do you think lamps would stay in the air?
W: (A pause. This question is harder) Because ... they are sticky!
D: Lamps are sticky?
W: Yes!
D: Can you show me any sticky lamps?
And without hesitation, little Miss Newton points to the light fixtures on the ceiling of our living room, hanging in the air because, unlike beanbags, lamps are sticky!
Part 2: Grammar for Dummies
Back when I was still at DU, I took a road trip to Vegas with a long lost buddy of mine. During the trip he played a really cool song that I have never gotten out of my head. I never knew the artist or the title, but I can't get the chorus out of my head: My gal is red hot/ Your gal ain't doodly squat!
I have taught Wrig many horribly inappropriate songs to sing (Violent Femmes, anyone?), so I figured it was time to work on a new one.
D: Okay, I say "My gal is red hot" and you say, "Your gal ain't doodly squat." Okay?
W: My gal is ...
D: No that's my part. I say "My gal is red hot" and you say ...
W: ...
D: "Your gal ..."
W: "is squat!"
D: Good! "Your gal ain't doodly squat." Try it.
W: "Your gal is ... squat."
D: Doodly squat.
W: Dooooodly squat!
D: Right on. Now do the whole thing: "Your gal ain't doodly squat."
W: "Your gal ain't doodly squat."
D: Okay, here we go: "My gal is red hot ..."
W: "Your gal ... isn't doodly squat."
I think she spends too much time at the library, that's what I think.
Sunday, August 01, 2004
Another Thought on Dogs
One of the most interesting things about our trip to Breck was the absence of Cleo, Grammy and Granddaddy's slobbery black lab. Cleo was a remarkably good natured pup - she even let Wrig play with her tail - and her presence provided a rhythm to the day: Cleo's evening walk was sorely missed. Throughout the trip, we kept finding things left behind (in Cleo's wake, as it were), so I guess you could call the following a "found poem."
Leftovers
I keep stumbling over this
dog shaped hole
which will not be filled
by these stray tennis balls,
dry as a bone,
that half empty bag of kibble
gathering dust,
or the single black hair
which I cannot brush from my sleeve.
Leftovers
I keep stumbling over this
dog shaped hole
which will not be filled
by these stray tennis balls,
dry as a bone,
that half empty bag of kibble
gathering dust,
or the single black hair
which I cannot brush from my sleeve.
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Culture Shock
We're home! Here are my observations about three weeks in a foreign culture ...
1. They say that, in high altitude, it is important to “stay hydrated.” In Colorado, all you do is drink water (hydrate) and pee (dehydrate). With an adequate supply of Aquafina and a couple of cookies, there would be no reason to leave the bathroom.
2. In Colorado, people throw away glass. Right into the garbage. Pop cans, too. It’s painful for an Oregonian. It’s like watching people throw money into the sewer.
3. In Colorado, it actually rains. Big, cold drops that will get your skin wet right through your clothes. The rain is accompanied by glorious blasts of lightning (one night, it looked like somebody was taking flash photographs outside) and cracks of thunder. People in Colorado actually ask "Do you think it's gonna rain?" before deciding whether or not an activity is worth doing.
4. Every single place in Breckenridge has an incredible view. Fast food joints. Parking lots. Bathrooms.
5. Why does my $.99 pop cost $1.07? Oh yeah. Sales tax. On everything. Bottled water. Video rentals. Bottled water. Diapers. Bottled water. Jars of sesame seeds.
6. At 10,000 feet, the air is so thin, climbing a flight of stairs is as breathtaking as climbing a mountain. I can’t imagine how people manage to climb mountains up here.
7. I miss my bathrobe. I know this has nothing to do with the culture of Colorado, but it has a lot to do with the culture of me, and keeping my culture warm in the morning, and I’m never taking a vacation without it again.
8. In the state of Colorado, there are 14 kerjillion pine trees, and not a single inch of shaded hiking trail.
9. In Oregon, you can buy organic whole wheat flour, spelt flour, quinoa flour, and a whole mess of other exotic crushed grains. In Colorado, your pantry is stocked with “Hungarian High Altitude Flour.” Huh?
10. Even the bears know that Thursday is trash day.
11. I’ve seen motorcyclists without helmets. I think it’s been a decade since I’ve seen a motorcyclist without a helmet. Fortunately, in Colorado, the roads are immaculately maintained and pothole free.
12. You can’t throw a stick around here without finding a magnificent place to hike. Most likely, that stick will be fetched by a friendly, slobbery dog. I like it. It kind of reminds me of home.
1. They say that, in high altitude, it is important to “stay hydrated.” In Colorado, all you do is drink water (hydrate) and pee (dehydrate). With an adequate supply of Aquafina and a couple of cookies, there would be no reason to leave the bathroom.
2. In Colorado, people throw away glass. Right into the garbage. Pop cans, too. It’s painful for an Oregonian. It’s like watching people throw money into the sewer.
3. In Colorado, it actually rains. Big, cold drops that will get your skin wet right through your clothes. The rain is accompanied by glorious blasts of lightning (one night, it looked like somebody was taking flash photographs outside) and cracks of thunder. People in Colorado actually ask "Do you think it's gonna rain?" before deciding whether or not an activity is worth doing.
4. Every single place in Breckenridge has an incredible view. Fast food joints. Parking lots. Bathrooms.
5. Why does my $.99 pop cost $1.07? Oh yeah. Sales tax. On everything. Bottled water. Video rentals. Bottled water. Diapers. Bottled water. Jars of sesame seeds.
6. At 10,000 feet, the air is so thin, climbing a flight of stairs is as breathtaking as climbing a mountain. I can’t imagine how people manage to climb mountains up here.
7. I miss my bathrobe. I know this has nothing to do with the culture of Colorado, but it has a lot to do with the culture of me, and keeping my culture warm in the morning, and I’m never taking a vacation without it again.
8. In the state of Colorado, there are 14 kerjillion pine trees, and not a single inch of shaded hiking trail.
9. In Oregon, you can buy organic whole wheat flour, spelt flour, quinoa flour, and a whole mess of other exotic crushed grains. In Colorado, your pantry is stocked with “Hungarian High Altitude Flour.” Huh?
10. Even the bears know that Thursday is trash day.
11. I’ve seen motorcyclists without helmets. I think it’s been a decade since I’ve seen a motorcyclist without a helmet. Fortunately, in Colorado, the roads are immaculately maintained and pothole free.
12. You can’t throw a stick around here without finding a magnificent place to hike. Most likely, that stick will be fetched by a friendly, slobbery dog. I like it. It kind of reminds me of home.
Friday, July 23, 2004
New and Improved
Look for 2 new features on our blog here:
1. Link du jour
(thanks for the idea Derek & Lesley)
Where we pass along a random selection of interesting links.
This is too over the top to be troublesome, but funny anyway: ACLU Pizza
Boy this is a real time killer! Collective drawing
Solo art this time and a more creative time killer - Mr Picasso Head
2. I Love my Neighborhood!
Where we tell you about happenings in our neighborhood that are a little different and amuse us.
- It's only our neighborhood for a little bit, but while we are here in Breckenridge, we live at the top of a very steep dirt road. The other day we saw a man jogging up the hill with a fist full of flowers.
- In Portland, on our neighborhood's main drag, we have a person who sells peanut butter and jelly sandwiches from his/her 2nd story apartment window. When "open" they hang a basket down to street level advertising PB&J for a $1. Pull on the rope to ring the bell for service. For a while they had a tiny radio in a tin can also hanging down to attract attention.
- Also in Portland we walked by someone who wanted to sell his electronic piano keyboard. He chained it to the fence on the sidewalk, set it on a table with a stool, and invited people to play. If you wanted to buy, knock on the door and make an offer. On our second time by, someone was playing.
- Before we left for our trip, we accidentally let 3 zucchinis grow to monstrous size. We were leaving, so we couldn't indulge in the fabulous chocolate zucchini cake recipie we have, so I printed up three copies, tied them to each zuchinni, and put them out front with a sign. They were gone before dinnertime. Yum!
1. Link du jour
(thanks for the idea Derek & Lesley)
Where we pass along a random selection of interesting links.
This is too over the top to be troublesome, but funny anyway: ACLU Pizza
Boy this is a real time killer! Collective drawing
Solo art this time and a more creative time killer - Mr Picasso Head
2. I Love my Neighborhood!
Where we tell you about happenings in our neighborhood that are a little different and amuse us.
- It's only our neighborhood for a little bit, but while we are here in Breckenridge, we live at the top of a very steep dirt road. The other day we saw a man jogging up the hill with a fist full of flowers.
- In Portland, on our neighborhood's main drag, we have a person who sells peanut butter and jelly sandwiches from his/her 2nd story apartment window. When "open" they hang a basket down to street level advertising PB&J for a $1. Pull on the rope to ring the bell for service. For a while they had a tiny radio in a tin can also hanging down to attract attention.
- Also in Portland we walked by someone who wanted to sell his electronic piano keyboard. He chained it to the fence on the sidewalk, set it on a table with a stool, and invited people to play. If you wanted to buy, knock on the door and make an offer. On our second time by, someone was playing.
- Before we left for our trip, we accidentally let 3 zucchinis grow to monstrous size. We were leaving, so we couldn't indulge in the fabulous chocolate zucchini cake recipie we have, so I printed up three copies, tied them to each zuchinni, and put them out front with a sign. They were gone before dinnertime. Yum!
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
We get 10%
Some of you read; some of you write. Some of you do both. Here's your big chance to win books!
(we won't insist on 10% if all you get is the mouspad!).
By the way, if you plan to buy books from Powells, you should go to the site through Wrigley's preschool website. The preschool gets a cut from your sale when you enter Powells from Hawthorne Family Playschool.
(we won't insist on 10% if all you get is the mouspad!).
By the way, if you plan to buy books from Powells, you should go to the site through Wrigley's preschool website. The preschool gets a cut from your sale when you enter Powells from Hawthorne Family Playschool.
Monday, July 19, 2004
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