Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?

'dentity Crisis

For the past two weeks, our family has been in flux. Every morning when Wrig wakes up, she decides upon a new identity. In the past two weeks, we have been a family of ladybugs, caterpillars, silkworms, polar bears, penguins, cats, snowplows, and racecars. Being a family of racecars is quite convenient, because when we go on walks we can "race" to places, which is much faster than your standard foot dragging, stick seeking, puddle stomping preschooler pace.

Today, she took her 'dentity crisis to a whole new level. We were a family of turtles (she was the Mommy Turtle today). She decided she needed a turtle shell, so she climbed into her pillow case (with her pillow, naturally). In her shell, she was taking care of a sick baby ladybug. She had toys and water in her shell for the sick baby ladybug to play with. By the time I got home, the baby ladybug was feeling better and was almost ready for milk.

I wonder who we're going to be tomorrow ...

Pop Quiz

Answer the following question without using the terms "evolution", "barter system", or "sexual equality." You have 15 seconds to prepare. The question:

Daddy? Why don't men have milk in their booies?

Good luck!

Since we don't to have anything to say...

My mom seems to feel that we haven't posted enough pictures of Wrig recently. We are happy to oblige.


Daddy and Wrig at Marshall Park. You can't tell from this picture that we dragged her all the way along the hike. Of course there was a big steep hill up to get back to the car!

The Cowardly Lyin'

When I called my friend Greg to arrange carpooling for Friday, I learned that his Mom had passed away and that he wouldn't be going to work at all. It was a quick conversation: I clumsily offered my condolences and we made arrangments for me to carpool with his lesson plans instead (Greg, for the record, is much better company in the morning than his lesson plans). Wrig, who was finishing up dinner, asked "What was the ... what was bad news?" My initial reaction was to get over my shock of her use of the words "bad news," because I don't think I said them in the conversation. Then I had to figure out what to tell her.

D: My friend, Greg ... he got some ... he got some ... bad news.
W: What?
D: Well ... Greg's mom is ... (long pause ... desperately seeking wise, parental way to introduce the subject of death) ... Greg's mom is ... very sick ...
W: Oh. Ok.

I know that there isn't any need to hide death from kids. I know that it's healthier for kids to see death as part of the cycle of life and blah, blah, blah. But I'm not ready to introduce Wrigley to the concept that Moms Can Die quite yet. I'm 34 and I can't really wrap my brain around the idea, so how am I going to explain it to my kid? I'm not. I'm just going to lie and move on to bed time.

Not, I confess, my most noble moment as a parent. Now, if I only had a brain ...

Hot Parenting Tip

For 20 more minutes on the computer, turn your body slightly away from the desk, yank up your pant leg and let your child color your legs with markers. A big hit and I got 20 minutes of uninterrupted computer time.

In other news, Wrigley came way to close for comfort to discovering our hidden stash of chocolate during a determined quest for food coloring. The drive for colored bath ice can be very strong.

Starting from Scratch

I'm staring all over with the book list. Here are the recomendations from 2004:

Love in the Driest Season

Don't Move

The Midwife's Tale

Evidence of Things Unseen

Madras on Rainy Days

Holes

The Marriage Bed

Happy Baby

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Middlesex

Waterborne

Motherless Brooklyn

The Namesake

Fahrenheit 451

Walking into the Night

Fugitive Pieces

American Woman

The Center of Everything

Future Career: Sales Rep

Price of Buttons for Mommy: $.05
Price of Buttons for Daddy: $.10

Price of Marbles for Mommy: $.50
Price of Marbles for Daddy: $.60

Price of Bugs for Mommy: $2.00
Price of Bugs for Daddy: $3.00

Price of Eggs for Mommy: $1.00
Price of Eggs for Daddy: $8.00!!! (I bargained my way down to $3.00)

If it seems like I'm wincing the next time you see me, it's because I'm constantly being gouged around here!